Chapter 6 – The Tail

The days following initial meeting of target, Jasper Whitlock

Austin Texas and surrounding area

Edward Cullen POV

“He’s goin’ in.”

If Bella’s voice hadn’t pulled me out of my monumentally-monotonously-bored shitless-mid day tail-day dream, her hand slapping against my arm had for sure, and I wasn’t completely convinced as to whether I was more grateful or annoyed that she’d done it.

Stop thinking about her lips.

I forced my eyes away from them, despite their assault on my imagination, and found Whitlock across the street from us as he was about to enter what appeared to be a pub of some sort.  Then I tried to let my mind randomly go over what that scenario might mean.

Drinks on the job maybe?

Maybe he doesn’t work on Wednesdays, crossed my mind but then I shook my head.  No, he said to stop by the office “after the weekend”… doesn’t pan out.

I peeked over at Bella.  But more precisely, her nipples as they pushed against the fabric of her nearly sheer, slightly delicate tank type top, threatening a peep show and I swallowed.  I could see how hard they were… they were… lickable hard… maybe even bitable hard. 

I licked my lips without thinking about it. 

I also wondered what had made them harden… was she aware of their profoundness?   Maybe she was a little excited underneath that cold stone expression she was donning?

Was it the job that got her off?

Was it… I mean it probably wasn’t… no, it definitely wasn’t me.

Stop it.

 “Okay, I’m off… here,” she said, handing me the other end of the bug she was wearing so I’d be able to hear every word they exchanged.  “All you have to do is….”

Her words became muffled sounds, mixing in with all of the background noise coming off of the street as I took on my subconscious in a fight over keeping my hands to myself.

Do. Not. Stare. At.  The tits…. Idiot.

“And then you take the…”

And definitely stop thinking about her pantie-less pussy that may or may not have been directly related to the overnight hard on you sported for two nights in a row.

“The on off switch is right….”

God those fucking lips of hers.

I wanted to stop thinking about it.   Honest.  I just couldn’t seem to get a grip on my fucking thought processes as they continued down the same old paths whenever she was within my personal space.

I was THIS close to…

“Are you listening?”

Shit.

“What?”

What did she say? 

“Jesus Christ, you’re not are you?”

Forget it.

I mean, to say this woman was highly exasperating with her inane ability to read people… me specifically, was an understatement.

“No, yeah, I was totally listening,” I told her, eying the device she’d handed me.  Playin’ it off like I’d totally been listening the whole time…. Which I wasn’t… but she didn’t need to know that…  

I pointed at a few buttons and knobs to make my review official looking. “On… off… volume… got it.”

I smiled at her and she rolled her eyes as she huffed at me, departing the vehicle we’d rented out so that Whitlock wouldn’t recognize us.  We were both at least in agreement on some things.

Thank god.

“Wait,” I stopped her before she shut the door and, when she looked back at me with the irritation she often showed toward me, I almost decided against asking, but went with it anyway. “Do we have a safe word?”

And of course… she laughs at this.  Like it’s a joke, but I wait, ignoring the beginnings of a stiffy between my legs.  Jesus Christ.

“A what?”

I cleared my throat.  “A safe word, you know, in case you get into trouble or something.”

She didn’t answer me.  I guess she didn’t feel the need.  She just… scowled, shook her head, shut the door and went on her way.

What does that even mean?

I had absolutely no idea how to take that response.  No idea if she was insulted, amused, annoyed… what?  All I knew was that the constant pull push I’m right you’re wrong kiss my ass bullshit was exhausting, but I was determined still to find a way to quickly end this job.

Although… watching Bella Swan walk across the street to go have a not so chance, chance encounter with our target?  Score.

My lips turned up as I zeroed in on that shimmy of hers, shaking my head at the cars that came to a stop for her as she made her way over to the pub. Men shamelessly made the lamest fucking attempts ever to get her attention… women gave her dirty looks but no doubt dreamed of being her in some other parallel universe.

Not likely.

As she disappeared behind the door to the bar, I slipped the ear buds into my ears and tried to figure out how in the hell the box she’d left with me worked.   Don’t laugh, for such a small box, it was one seriously complicated piece of machinery.

After a few tries of different buttons, though, I could hear her speaking low, finally.  It was quite a bizarre sensation, hearing her so close… so…

Disturbing.

“…And I swear to god if you’re not listening right now I will twist your nipples so hard they bleed later.”

I froze, wondering what pertinent information I’d missed and it wasn’t until a minute or so later that I noticed my hands were inadvertently covering said nipples as I sat there with a look of horror on my face, staring off at the pub.

I’d have shot her a comeback except that there didn’t appear to be a way for me to communicate back to her, so I just sat back into the seat, crossed my arms the rest of the way and listened for any tell tale signs that she might be in trouble.  Because regardless of what conclusions she may or may not have come to with respect to my character, I had decided I wouldn’t let her go down if things went sour in there.

Despite how much I’d love to see that happen.

“Gin and tonic,” she said to what I had to assume was a bartender and I shivered because… Gin and tonic.  Ewe.   “Nasty,” I whispered, closing my eyes.  My mind seemed to wander off to an alternate reality where we’d met under normal circumstances… where I didn’t hate her with every fiber of my being and she didn’t want to injure my manhood.

I envisioned us at a table just big enough for two, in a dimly lit restaurant.    Bella’s eyes smoldering over at me.  One hand on her drink, one twisting her hair.   “Care to join me?”

Tease.

“Mrs. Masen?” a voice twanged from the ear buds.  A voice that wasn’t Bella… Must be him, I decided, based on the accent and then I heard her respond with recognition.

“Mr. Whitlock, fancy meeting you here,” she purred and I could just imagine the look on her face when she’d said it.  Not evil, not menacing… not even irritated… just… sexy. 

Back in my fantasy world, Bella was asking me what I had against Gin and Tonic and I was informing her that there’s more to this world than just conning people and ruining lives.  “Like a good finger fuck,” I told her menacingly.  Then she gave me an evil grin as her foot was bouncing, shoeless against my leg, getting ready for an encounter of the hard on kind when she asked me, “You wanna get out of here?”

Stupid question, Tease.

It was so realistic, in my mind… that fantasy… it… wait.

I bolted upright and stared across the street, blinking my eyes a little to re-adjust to the sunlight.

Sure enough, Bella exited the pub with a very smiley, annoyingly flirtatious looking Whitlock, padding behind her.   She didn’t look over toward me, didn’t give him anything in warning that they were being watched. 

I started the car up.

“Where’s your car?” he asked and she waved a hand as I heard her reply. “Oh, Edward dropped me off before he went on his way today; I told him I’d catch a taxi home.”

“Y’didn’t seem to get much shopping done yet.”

“Oh, my dear Mr. Whitlock, I always drink before shopping.”

He chuckled and showed to her the way to his Jaguar and I mumbled, watching her, “Swear to god… I could watch her shimmy that ass all… night… lowong,” imitating Pit Pull when he sings.   Then Whitlock opened the passenger’s side door for her, I noticed him check his watch and made an almost unnoticeable scan of their immediate area.

“We’re on the move, wake up,” she whispered as he made his way around to the driver’s side and slid into the car, pulling out effortlessly into traffic. 

“Oh I’m awake, Billie Jean,” I said sarcastically, even though I knew she wouldn’t hear me and then I pulled out to follow them… “Awake and sporting a hard on, courtesy of that sweet ass of yours, thank you very much.” 

I hoped I wasn’t about to follow them back to his place because I really wasn’t in the mood for playing jealous husband who knocks the nice security guru the fuck out for trying to make a play on my fake wife.

Again.

“You and Edward been married long?” he asked, making small talk as they drove.

“Too long,” we both said at the same time and I actually chuckled along with Bella, who was now covering up what she no doubt had seen as a mistake on her part. “And yet… not long enough…. Do you know what I mean, Mr. Whitlock?”

Nicely done.

“As in stop eye fucking my fake wife, dick hole,” I responded.

“Oh, I’ve never been married,” he said with this sickeningly shy voice.

“Well, personally, I can’t imagine why, I’ve never met anyone more gentlemanly… or, sweet…or, just all around perfect.”

I rolled my eyes at her dig.  Then I shook my head.  It was such a southern bell kinda thing to say.

Not a Bella Swan thing at all.  Which threw me into rant mode.

“Maybe… people might be inclined to be a little more gentlemanly and sweet and all around perfect if you’d somehow make an attempt to be a little less of an angry woman who wants to cut a dude’s dick off and a little more fucking… humanoid more often…”

Can I get an a-men?

She snorted and I had to assume Whitlock made a face just before he told her, “Haven’t had Edward’s luck yet, I suppose.”

I could just picture the moment they were having between them.  A smile, a knowing look, maybe…

Puke.

I thought for sure she’d give him hell for that last comment, but then… she let out this… weird sound… like a giggle… a very feminine giggle and I felt my forehead dip at the reaction that giggle had brought out in me that I hadn’t expected.

I wished I could have seen her face when she let out that giggle.

Seen what she looked like when she wasn’t being … you know, the world’s biggest bitch.

That was weird.

They pulled up to a smallish building and I made an educated guess that it must have been Whitlock’s office even though there were no signs on the outside of it to give me any indication that I could be certain of that fact. 

“What’s he taking her into some unknown location for a mid-afternoon fuck?” I whispered and then, as though she knew I was desperate to know, she asked him, “I assume this is your office, Mr. Whitlock?”

“Ya know, I’d love it if you called me Jasper,” he twanged and my fingers gripped the steering wheel a little tighter.  “I mean, we are neighbors.”

I made an exaggerated laugh at that and then Bella almost immediately responded, “Okay, Jasper.”

I sneered.  “Layin’ it on a little thick don’t ya think, Brandy?”

“This is my business office,” he told her.  “You know, where I sign contacts, explain … services.”

“What the fuck was that supposed to mean?” I asked the building… who didn’t respond. 

Fucking non-responsive buildings.

Even though the car had disappeared into a gated parking lot, I could hear the doors opening and closing, the beep of his car alarm, Bella’s opinionate hum as she no doubt took in their surroundings.  As they entered the building, he greeted a security guard by name and, once they were on the elevator, I noted another beep.

One that most likely meant a badge was needed to gain access to the floor they were headed to.

“Mind if I use your ladies room?” Bella asked him and he had a receptionist show her where to go as he headed for his office, telling her he’d meet her there in a few minutes.

Once she was alone, she spoke to me.

“I think I can handle it from here, Edward. I’ll come home later with some info on his office files, security cameras, other areas of concern… I’ll see if I can get him to open up a little… why don’t you go check the house out.”

I nodded even though I knew she couldn’t see me and started to take the ear buds out when I hear her again.

“Oh and Edward?”

I scowled a little, wondering why the sudden amused sound to her voice when she continued.  “Turn the two-way button off next time…”  Then with a little bit of sex dripping from her voice, she added, “And if you want me to shimmy my ass again, all you need to do is ask.”

Because I’m a quick thinker - and because it was against my very being to let her know she’d one upped me, I cupped my hand over the receiver and made some white noise.  “Sorry…”  garble garble hiss garble… “…can’t hear you,” garble garble… “…hanging up now,” I said and then quickly turned the monitor off and pulled the ear buds out of my ears.  “Fuck me.”

That’s… gonna be awkward later.

I wasn’t gonna live that shit down.

I’d have to come up with some sort of diversion later. 

For now though…  I headed home, parked the car and checked to make sure there weren’t any nosy neighbors lurking around, watching me take a gander over at the residence of one, Jasper Whitlock.  Once it appeared safe, I started across the street but then stopped.

Fucking figures.

Security cameras.  Not too obvious but obvious, none the less.  And he had a ton.  More than the average Suburbanite would have and, for the first time, I started giving some credit to Marcus with regards to this guy’s record.  It reeked of a cover up… or ass covering of some sort.

Then I kicked myself for not realizing he’d have had that place wired, earlier.

I would have realized it, had I not been getting a mind fuck from our lovely man eater every goddamn day since I’d met her. 

On top of that, Bella and I had spent a large part of our time over the past week studying Whitlock’s daily habits, trying to find a pattern, but it wasn’t until day four that we actually noticed one.   Same bat time as day one, same bat pub as day one… hell, he even parked in the exact same parking spot as day one.   I was sure this was his ritual.  He’d just broken things up into four day patterns to throw anyone off who might be watching his house.

Like us.

I couldn’t do much at that point.  Not without the expertise of our friendly dick tease slash hacker, anyway, so I decided to bag it and went home instead. 

I kicked my shoes off, pulled my shirt over my head and threw it across the room.  Then took a nap. 

I refused to feel guilty about it too, seeing how I wasn’t getting much sleep with the vixen of Hell sleeping just down the hall… who insisted on using my bathroom… which meant every night, she walked right by my door in that… short fucking robe of hers.

She took her time, too.

Not helping.

I closed my eyes and immediately saw Bella behind my lids… licking her lips, opening her robe.  Slowly.

“Fuuuuu-huh-huck.”

I took a pillow and threw it over my face, envisioning her raising that dick tease of an eyebrow at me as she floated closer and closer, her lips curling up into something that might have resembled a true to life, Bella Swan smile.

The pillow paid the price for that one.  And my face.  I took the fluff filled square co-hort to the not quite the most comfortable couch in the world and punched myself in the kisser with it a few times, trying to force the pictures of Bella from my mind.

It didn’t work, of course.  Instead, I just kept replaying that moment in back of Alice Brandon’s back yard we’d had… only with a slight twist to it.  We were naked, and she wasn’t threatening me with bodily slicings.

I’d pin her against the wall and she’d let me…  we’d stare into each other’s eyes intensely as I let the backs of my fingers leave a trail of heat down along her neck… those tits… her belly, until it finally made its way to what I could only assume was a perfectly paid attention to pussy…  my dick hardened despite that little voice in my head that told me it was a bad idea and every … single time I was about to kiss her, feel the heat of her skin, hear her breath hitch… something would happen.

Something to tear us apart or piss her off… it didn’t matter.  It was clear that was my sub-conscious’s way of telling me… dude… ain’t gonna happen.

Just as well, too.

I couldn’t even give you a good reason as to why I was fantasizing about the woman… I mean I hated her.  I hate everything about her… except that ass shimmy.  That was always nice.  My point is, it just didn’t make sense.  In the professional or personal sense.

Ya know?

It’d been a while since I’d had a relationship… an anything really… That had to be why.  Nothing else really explained why I’d be having sex fantasies about Princess stick an ice pick in my head.

Eventually, I made it into a sleep pattern that blocked her out, but a little while later, I don’t know how long, I heard her knocking softly at my bedroom door.

I remember wondering why she’d bother knocking as I sat up and rubbed my eyes a little.

I stumbled a bit as I felt my way over to the door and as I opened it, I realized, it wasn’t my bedroom door and I wasn’t dressed.

Fully, anyway.

 “Very nice.”

Her voice was off.   It was too… sweet and very, not psychopathic at all… and that’s when I decided, I really needed to wake up.

A yawn escaped me and I allowed myself to lean up against the door way, stretching a little.

“You’re not….”

“Quite ready at the moment, but give me a half hour and I can come back,” she purred.

Definitely not Bella.

I blinked my eyes, trying to focus and let the light in as I took the tall blonde in and she smiled at me. “Remember me?”

Oy.

“Yeah… Jessica, right?”  Newton that is… as in Mrs. Newton.

What time was it?

“That’s right… memory like an elephant, I see… hopefully that’s not all that’s like an elephant,” she told me, her eyes making a beeline for my groin area.

Really?   She wants me hung like an elephant?  Wouldn’t that hurt?

I pulled my arms down around my mid-section, like I was instinctively protecting my elephant like self from her or something.  “Was there something you needed Mrs. Newton?  Bella’s not home right now, but…”

And there is was again.  Bella’s name.  Outloud.

Now I was fucking with my own head.

I laughed.  Cause, you know… head.

Jessica Newton smiled and I straightened up.  “Oh I didn’t come by to see Bella,” she murmured, leaning into me a little bit while her finger poked playfully at my chest.

Red alert, red alert.  I had no idea what to do with that information.   I mean, not that I wasn’t a little turned on by the attention of a woman other than words filled with venom and looks that said, I’m gonna gut you like a pig when you least expect it… but this Jessica, she wasn’t exactly my type. 

“Um… well,” I looked at my watch, it was… “Is this right?” I asked, noting the fact that it had been three fucking hours since I’d left Bella at Whitlock’s place of business… so to speak.

That woke me up.

“I believe so…” she started to say and that’s when the tire squealing caught both of our attentions and we looked to see him… Whitlock… pulling in to his driveway…

With.  Bella.

As I glared at them from the door way, Jessica Newton seemed to disappear from the picture.  They were laughing, teasing… having a good old time as they got out of his car until Bella noticed me and she damn near looked amused for whatever reason until…

I eyed Jessica.  Then Bella… who was now eying Jessica.  Oh boy.  “You should leave now,” I told her out of the side of my mouth in an attempt to remain cool calm and collectively covert about it.

She giggled a little. “Why?  We’re just sharing a… friendly…” she grew closer. “Neighborly…” closer still.  “Chat.”

Her breasts were bursting at the seams and Bella was closing in.

She does not… look happy to see me.

“I strongly suggest you just… go, Jessica.”

“But I…”

“Stop talking, just go.”

“What the hell are you doing here?”

Too late, no soup for you.  Man she was fast.  Like lightning.

“Excuse me?” 

What was that like… the universal bitch response to everything?

“Hon,” I said, not completely missing the fact that Whitlock was still standing by his car, watching this whole thing go down.  

I had nothing to defend though… I mean, despite the fact that it looked bad… with me all, half naked and all.

“You remember…”

“I know who she is, what I want to know is, why. Is. She. Here,” Bella announced, her eyes slowly moving from mine… to Jessica’s as she said it. 

There must be some hierarchy in the female species or something because I could definitely sense Jessica’s fear as Bella tilted her head, waiting for an answer.  She also cocked an eyebrow at her, but I noticed… it wasn’t my cocked eyebrow… it was her other eyebrow… it must have been the one she reserved for bitch slapping, I thought, except that didn’t make sense, seeing how she almost constantly wanted to bitch slap me.

Hmmm.

Anyway, then, after re-grouping, Jessica laughed it off.  “Oh, we’re all adults here, sweetie, I know how marriages work… especially with accomplished men like ours…” she gave Bella a knowing look, but Bella didn’t seem to be on the same page as she continued to leer at Jessica.

I wanted to back away slowly, so as not to get injured in any crossfire, but I was afraid to.  So instead, I eyed Whitlock, who was now on his phone, making his way into his home.

I wished to god  I was inside so I could use some binoculars to get his code…  or, hook a damn infra red up or… something… anything would have been better than standing next to what very well might have been turning into a cat fight at any moment.

“Are you actually trying to proposition my husband while I’m standing… right… here?”

“What if I am?” Jessica the idiot asked and Bella took a step toward her.

I tried to play it off. 

Big mistake, by the way.  “I really don’t think…”

“Shut up,” they both told me and I went back to my silent observational stance.

“Let me tell you something… Jessica…” Bella told her, narrowing her eyes and pointing a finger as she spoke.  “You might get away with letting all the other no name low life skinny dicks around in this neighborhood become… way too  familiar with your pussy… maybe your husband doesn’t give a shit about you anymore… maybe you’re lonely because he’s off fucking every naive female that’ll spread their legs and give him the Clap…”

Did she just say pussy? 

‘Cause that was a complete turn on.

Then Bella really got serious. “But if I find you sniffing around here again?” she leaned in.  “I. Will. Cut. You.”

Now, I gotta give our girl, Jessica creds here.  She tried to stand her ground and I got the impression she was previously the big dog on campus throughout our cookie cutter street, but then she’d never met the fear inducing yet highly impressive in her own right, Bella Swan, before.

Bella even stood a good few inches shorter than Jessica but even so, the mistress wannabe tucked her tail between her legs, gave me a polite nod as I grimaced sympathetically for her and then left.

“Wow,” I breathed, running a hand through my hair, completely and utterly impressed with her bear type ability to maul a bitch without actually… you know, mauling her.

Whitlock was forgotten and I was on a mission.

“Fuck off Edward,” she responded, pushing her way into the house.

I followed her in, pointing back over my shoulder as I closed the door.  “Seriously… that was really good… you even had me convinced you were jealous.”

Her back was to me but I could still tell she was pissed about something.  It was the way she stood… when her shoulders looked all tense and her jaw tightened the way it did.  I could only slightly see her profile but it was enough.  “Something wrong?”

And why do I consistently ask her that shit?  I should know better by now.

Really.

She turned and glared at me. “What does it matter Edward?  What does any of it matter?  I mean it’s not like I wasn’t out…. Getting information on our target today while you’re…”  she lost her words for a minute, flailing a hand out in front of herself and now, I’m scowling a little. 

“Wait, you think I was… with Jessica?” HA! And EWW.

Wait a minute.

This could work for me.  Shut her up maybe.  Plus a little tit for tat never killed anyone… right?  “Not that I kiss and tell that is… I mean I am a gentleman… but what do you care, pray tell?”

She stalked toward me.  “Although I highly doubt the gentleman part of that comment… I could care less about where you plant your seeds, Cullen.  But let’s not forget, we’re supposed to be married… and what I do care about, is that this job isn’t about you getting your dick wet… this job is about getting information on Jasper Whitlock back to Marcus so that hopefully  I can finally go see my….”

Woah.  Babble much?

She stopped herself mid rant and I thought back to that phone conversation of hers that I’d overheard.  With her dad.

It was a short lived moment of vulnerability she’d just given me – and I’d take what I got.

“Your what?”

“Nothing… I just mean that… I mean I need a break… we all need a break from this bullshit sometimes…”

She was good at hiding what was really going on inside that head of hers, I’d give her that much, but I was starting to learn a few things about her reactions to things… to words.

To me, for some reason.  She seemed to have a very profound aversion to all things me.

I wasn’t giving a shit at the moment as to why.  “That’s not what you were gonna say,” I told her, unable to let her get away with the diversion tactics anymore.

“Yes it was,” she huffed, starting for the stairs again, but I stopped her, blocking her path and could not for the life of me figure out why it was so important to get her to admit that shit to me.  I also couldn’t figure out how my dick seemed to have Bella sonar being that every time I was within a foot or some from her, it stood at attention.

Talk about awkward.

“No… it wasn’t,” I informed her, remaining focused at the task at hand… I mean, task as in getting information from Bella… not my dick… or my hand around my dick….

It’s all relative.

“Get out of my way, Edward.”

She attempted to pass again but I took another step to block her. 

We were nearly touching then and I could feel it again.  That electricity I’d felt in the back yard of Alice Brandon’s house.  My blood was racing and Bella’s chest was heaving, although I guess that could have just been stemming from her anger as opposed to…

Nah.

“Tell me what you were about to say.”

“No,” she gritted her teeth.

“Why not?” I asked her and it was a pure question.  I really wanted to know why she closed herself off so harshly, why no one was allowed in except for… fucking Whitlock and his boyish charm.

There was a moment there, when I thought maybe she wanted to say something… either that or she was about to pull out that rusty nail file… I wasn’t sure, but then after a minute or so I finally gave up. “Ya know what?” I moved out of the way.  “Whatever, go… lock yourself away and do… whatever it is you do up there…”

She looked up at me and there seemed to be a glimmer of something there… disappointment maybe?  It didn’t last long before she changed her expression again though.  She turned stone cold Bella again and told me, “I will.”  Then she stomped off, never looking back. 

She never did.

“Great.”

“Fine.”

“Fine!”  I yelled after her as she disappeared.

Fucking….

I didn’t know what to do… where to go.  It wasn’t like I knew the town, I mean, I could have taken off, sped around, found a fucking whore house and fucked the anger out of me, I dunno, but I didn’t really feel like making the effort to be honest with you.

So I headed out front, slammed the door shut with my foot on the way out and began having a silent argument with the bushes to the side of the house. 

I kicked the grass and punched the air, letting out as much frustration as I could so that when I went back inside, I wouldn’t punch a hole in the dry wall of our perfect fake home.

I kicked something hard, suddenly, nearly breaking my big toe.  “Mother!”  Ffffffuck!  I screamed, biting my knuckles to try and not gain any attention, then bent over to see what it was that could do so much damage from being so goddamn small.

It was a pole… or something… sticking out of the ground and, when I got a better look at it, I realized it was one of those irrigation poles.  The ones that run on a system and pop up to water your grass so it’s continuously looking pristine. 

I messed with it a little bit, trying to make it straight again, after my raging foot had made it crooked. When I was satisfied that I’d gotten it right, I stood back up, brushing the dirt off of my knees. 

“Hey Masen.”

I jumped as one hand flew out in front of me while the other cocked back a little, balling itself into a fist, ready for a fight until I realized who the mountain sized man was that now stood beside me.  His arms were crossed and his expression looked as though he’d just heard the best damn joke in over ten years.

I guess that would be me.

“McCarty?”

He nodded at the grass.  “Cinch bugs.”

“What?”

“You’ve got cinch bugs… nasty little fuckers… weed their way through your grass, killin’ it off little by little… got my lawn last summer, you’re probably gonna have to burn the whole yard.  Start over.”

“Um… thanks?” 

What the fuck are cinch bugs?

“All it takes is a little bit of attention every day on your part, ya know… treat it with love… respect… goes a long way, ya know?”

Where we talking about the grass?

I looked up at the second floor of the house, regardless, thinking about what he’d said.  Bella wasn’t exactly the emotionally present type… but maybe he had a point.

“I don’t know if that’ll do any good in this situation, Emmett.”

His body jiggled as he silently chuckled over my admission. “Maybe, maybe not… but I’ll tell ya one thing,” he started walking back to his side of the property line, “Women don’t leave their underwear at home when you take ‘em to the neighborhood cookout because they don’t want your attention.”

Huh.

I watched him go with awe.  He was like a living oxymoron, that guy.  An ongoing contradiction to what one might assume about him upon an initial introduction.

I took his words to heart, but I couldn’t and wouldn’t probably act on them.  I mean I was pretty sure it wouldn’t be received well and anyway, there wasn’t time for trying to make nice with the local pit bull I was living with.  We still had to figure out a way to deal with one more joint task for the day.

Updating Marcus.