Chapter 17 – The Revolt

The Next Morning

Edward Cullen POV

Ya know that moment?  Between asleep and awake?

“Get some sleep Edward.  I love you.”

Most people don’t like it there.  It’s where hallucinations and horror reside, mayhem and monsters live there… and ninety percent of the world’s population can’t figure out how to wake themselves up or change their torment into fantasy or… whatever else it is they want it to be.

It’s the place Wes Craven based one his all time best creature features on, A Nightmare on Elm Street.  And we all know how that ended.

Me?  I liked it in that realm.   I wanted to stay there.   It was full of the ocean and sailing and Bella’s soft hands caressing me in all the right places, among other things that might have been caressing me.  Like words I’d probably never hear in this realm.

The real world?  Now that’s where the monsters were.

It’s why I had been trying to delay the eye opening process for so long when I started to feel that familiar pang called the stream of consciousness beginning to take hold. 

But all good things must come to an end, I suppose.   And the end of my dream began with bright filtered light and lawn mowers engines revving from afar, reminding where I was.

Suburgatory.

“Oy.”

I didn’t think I was dead.  I mean, I was in pain.  I didn’t equate pain with the afterlife… unless, that is, I was in Hell, which, let’s face it, was entirely possible.

I rubbed at my eyes then made to sit up but, “Fucking ow.”  I reached for my arm and noticed the bandages.

And what time was it?

It was really bright out, which meant it was at least the next day.  I wondered if Bella had taken me to the hospital and if so, what had she told them?  If Emmett was awake yet, did he know I was his perp?  And most importantly… why we were still in fucking Texas?

You know, small potato stuff like that.

And once I managed to get into the upright position to think it all through, I promptly regretted it. 

Not that the bed…  the master California king sized bed in Bella’s master suite to be exact…  wasn’t comfortable or anything, but my head hurt, my legs hurt, my shoulder was on fire and I really just wanted a goddamn minute or so to be able to process what might be happening. So I just sat there, leaning forward onto one elbow with my head in my hand, wondering if I could even stand up.  

Whatever blood I’d lost was taking its toll for sure. I was pretty sure Bella didn’t have an extra IV sitting around anywhere for getting fluids into me or anything so I decided that should probably be my first priority.

Then I looked around, realizing I was in the buff. 

The clothes I’d worn the night before lay in a bloody heap on the floor and there was a glass of water, thank you God… with pills sitting next to it on the end table.  And I took a few seconds to laugh at myself for thinking I’d wake up to Bella sitting by my side, holding my hand or something, wiping my forehead with a cold wet cloth telling me shit like, “You’ll pull through this, Edward.”

Because next to the water and pills was a sticky note that said, “You’re an idiot, be back soon.”

I took the headache remedy, downed the water, and then stumbled off to go find my not so southern belle.

“Scarlett!” I called out, trying to be snarky but my words just echoed throughout the house as I made my way down the stairs.  When I got to the bottom I couldn’t help but peek outside to see if there was any sign of Emmett or Whitlock… the cops… Marcus’s men… but there was nothing. 

Or rather, no one outside that I could see.

I breathed out, relieved for the time being, and went to the kitchen to find some coffee in a pot, still warm as I checked the back yard.

She can’t be far.  Right?

Figuring caffeine couldn’t hurt, I did my best to reach up into a cabinet for a cup without causing myself too much pain when I heard her. 

“Good, you’re up,” a very business like voice greeted me from the doorway.

Thank God she’s okay.

I smiled, despite the urge I felt to be a smart ass and say something completely inappropriate and highly annoying to her.

“Did you do this?”  I asked, pointing to the wrap around my shoulder and she nodded.

“I actually do have some experience with bullet wounds,” she teased, taking the cup from my hand and getting the coffee for me.

“Thanks.”

She looked up at me, the tease taking a turn for the serious.  “For the wound bandaging or the coffee?”

“Both.”

I took my first sip of awesomeness when I noticed that she was now glaring at me. 

It was as though she’d suddenly remembered she was completely pissed off which I thought to be a completely opposite reaction of what she should have been having, considering I’d lived through the night from a serious bullet wound.

Maybe she’s just angry she almost lost me.

“What?”

Then she laid into me.  “You have no idea what it’s been like out there all night.  It would’ve been nice to know what the hell was going on so I wasn’t trying to cover our asses blindly.”

Okay, maybe not.

I made an extremely lame attempt at defending myself. “Didn’t you get my text?”

She curled her eyebrows for me.  “You mean.  The emperor of Istanbul has chives?  That text?”

I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again, chuckling a little even.  “Fucking auto correct, right?”

Bella’s eyebrow arched.  Mine.  The one she arched for me when she thinks I’ve completely lost my damn mind.

Twitch.

I know right?  Highly improper. 

I cleared my throat.  “I didn’t try to fill you in while you nursed me back to health?” 

Then I winked.

To which she rolled her eyes.

“You were completely out of it by then.  I’m surprised you even made it here.  All you did was mumble something about Jimmy Choo setting you up and how you’d have your revenge on him one day.”

I laughed.

What the fuck?

“That’s… weird.”

But apparently Bella wasn’t as interested in figuring out the meanings of my incoherent ramblings as I was.  No… she was much more interested in understanding my actions from just prior to said incoherent ramblings.

“Why didn’t you just shoot him Edward?  If he’s the mole, then…”

“I don’t know,” I told her abruptly.  It was almost like I’d anticipated her asking me that specific question.  Hell I’d asked myself the same thing several times, but damn.   I guess I just couldn’t bring myself to hurt the oversized, backstabbing, double crossing, lying, cheating, thieving son of a bitch.

As though I hadn’t said a word, she threw her hands to the sides of her head.  It appeared she had a headache.  And its name was Edward Cullen.  “And why… in the Hell… did you take his unconscious body back to his house?”

I couldn’t help but be amused.  How could you not be amused with Bella’s annoyances?  Even if those annoyances were typically, well… me.  “How’d you…”

“Because I went out last night, Edward.  After I got the bullet out of your arm, wrapped your arm, dragged your ass up to bed… I went out, and I cleaned up your mess. Did you know you left his fucking gun at the scene of the crime?”

See?

Cute, right?

“Well I wasn’t exactly thinking straight, ya know… bullet wound?”  I pointed out the obvious.

She shook her head, agitated even further.  “You’re a mess, you know that?”  She threw her hands up at nothing then grabbed the kitchen counter.  “I don’t what in the hell Marcus was thinking, bringing you back into this shit.”

That’s when I finally tasted a little bit of my own perturbedness.

“It’s not like I asked for this.  I didn’t ask for any of this, I don’t wanna be here, trust me, Bella,” I barked at her and she seemed a little taken aback by either A. my words or B. the way I said them. 

Either way, I’d hurt her feelings, so I took it down a notch.

“I didn’t mean I don’t want to be here with you…  I meant…”

“Shut it, Edward…”

“No really, I…”

“Oh, my bleeding heart.”  She dripped with the sarcasm sometimes, didn’t she?  “… just… save the schpiel okay?”

And just like that, we were back to bitch fest.  “Fine.”

She took a breather and I was almost bummed I didn’t get a snarky fine in retort from her.  “Do you know what McCarty’s doing right now?  He’s out there,” she pointed with one hand and put the other on her hip, “Searching for the suspect.  He knows he shot him… you… and doesn’t think he’s gotten very far.”

“Shit.”

“No goddamn shit, Edward.  Little does he know you’re right under his goddamn nose!”

Then I remembered, I hadn’t been able to fill her in on what I’d found yet, so I kinda… blurted it out.  “He has files on us.”

Her eyes closed for a minute as her lips made that “oh” shape again.  And this time, she definitely wasn’t giggling.  “W…what?”

I nodded.  “Detailed files too.  I don’t know what in the hell he did before Marcus got him, but he’s got access to shit I didn’t even know… and I don’t get why he hasn’t called us out unless…”

“Unless his instructions were to watch, or better yet…”

“Take us out.”

“Fuck me.”

“You said it.”

We both turned and leaned our backs against the counter simultaneously and thought for a few minutes.  I was the one that broke out into ideas first.

“We need to bail.  I don’t care what Marcus says.”

“We can’t.”

“Watch me.”

“No, Edward, Marcus said sit still until he says. He doesn’t want us to look too suspicious, they know us too well by now.”

She stopped me short with those words.

“Wait.  Marcus knows?”

“Of course he knows,” she stated.  And she was right, of course he knew.  He had his very own private guard dog living right across the street from us. 

Which reminded me, “Why didn’t you warn me sooner last night?”

And I think my sudden changes in subject were starting to trip her up.  “What?”

“I had like, five seconds before he was in the house, what happened?”

She let out some air and I waited for the excuses, not fully expecting that they would have anything to do with anything that actually meant something of importance to her.  “I was trying to get a hold of Charlie,” she breathed quietly.  Thoughtful.  Then got frustrated with herself.  “I wasn’t exactly expecting him back so soon, he’d just left… so I was trying to track my dad down and then…”

“Did you get a hold of him?”

“What?”

“Charlie, did you find him?”  Fuck that other shit.

She grew a little softer again on me, looking away, out the window.  “No.  I don’t know what to think right now.”

I debated the next question I had, but someone had to say it.  “Do you think Marcus got to him?”

“I don’t know, Edward.”

She continued staring out at the back yard as she fingered the locket I’d given her and, despite my fucked up circumstance, I smiled that she still wore it.  Then I took in the whole of Bella’s facial expression, her stance, her fidgeting… worry was taking its toll on her. 

Everything was taking its toll on both of us.

“Okay look.”  I rubbed at my face.  “I’ve been giving this a lot of thought.”  I had no idea how she was about to take this information.  “I’m quitting.”

“You’re…” she seemed to choke on just the thought of it as her head did a knee jerk reaction in my direction.  “You can’t quit.”

“Sure I can.”

“Marcus would rather have you dead than not working for him, Edward, has he not made that abundantly clear?”

I stood my ground.  I was decided.  Even though I wasn’t all that crazy about my options.  “Well, then death it is, I suppose.”

Bella’s face looked pained… or confused maybe.  “How can you do that?”

“Do what?”

“Just…” she let out a huff of air and then started on a small rant of epic proportions. “Listen, I’m not making any crazy moves that might get me double crossed…” I thought about cutting her off right there… because I needed her to know that I had no plans of double crossing her… for anyone, but then she grew louder. “…or better yet!”  she mocked excitement.  “Marcus finds out I’m double crossing him and then he kills me!”

My chest tightened when she said it.  I didn’t like the idea of Bella dying either.  That was the last thing I wanted.  But I wasn’t talking about putting her at risk.  Just me.

“Maybe dying for the right reasons trumps saving your own ass, sometimes.”

She huffed again.  “You would say that.”

“Say what?”

She shook her head.  “I need to get a hold of Charlie. Let me make sure he’s okay and then we can talk about getting you some psychological evaluations or something, but right now we need to figure out a way to finish. This. Job.”

She wasn’t getting it.

She was too focused on her dad. 

I could give her that.  Some time… but not much. 

“Okay, let’s try and find your dad.”

Her eyebrows dipped.  “You’re… helping me?”

“Of course I’m helping you.”

“W…” she seemed confused by this information but then either by way of defeat or approval, I’m not sure and it didn’t matter, she accepted my offer.  “Fine… let’s…” she didn’t bother finishing her sentence, she just started for the door and I followed, glad I’d finally gotten my fine from her at least.

And I smiled.

Until we got outside and ran into Emmett the motherfucker McCarty.

But I played it cool.  “Dude.”  I pointed at his blood crusted bruise.  “What uh… what happened to your face?”

God that was awkward.  ‘Cause just like that, with the information I now knew he had, things were different. 

He knew who I was.  He knew who Bella was and he knew his house had been broken into the night prior. Granted he didn’t know it was me who’d broken in, but nevertheless… The only thing I had goin’ for me was that he didn’t know that I knew he knew who we were or that I knew who he was… and he was still acting like we were just neighbors. 

But we weren’t and I was having a hard time just sitting there, pretending he was someone I could actually fucking talk to about shit.

Cinch bugs or not.

“Didn’t Bella tell ya?” he asked all… friendly like and shit. “My place got broken into.  I chased the dude, but…” he scowled a little.  “I don’t remember much after getting smashed in the face with something heavy.” 

I eyed her.  “Wow… that’s… We haven’t really had time to chat, we’re…” I was still thinking of something to make up when Bella piped in for me. 

“On an emergency run to the grocery store.”

“Together?”

We both nodded. “We like it… it’s a… bonding experience.”

Emmett’s face contorted and I could almost hear him saying something along the lines of “Does not compute” like a robot might if you were trying to explain feelings or… love or something.

There was a moment of silence and then Bella took my good hand into hers, pulling me along.

“Well, we need to…”

“Edward!”

Fucking Alice Brandon.

 “Ah, shit,” I mumbled and Bella questioned me silently as Emmett crossed his arms.  Still looking a tad dumbfounded that two people married to each other would be going grocery shopping together.

He’s on to you.  Play it cool.

I smiled at Alice as she trotted over to meet the three of us.  “Thank you so much for that head’s up last night.”

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.

“What about last night?”  Emmett asked, snapping out of his daze.

“It’s all good, Alice, we gotta go,” I added, trying to make a clean getaway.

But it was too late, she’d already started explaining.  “Oh he found cinch bugs in my grass last night.”

Shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up!

“Last night?”

I nodded, sweating.  Bella’s eyes might have gotten a tad larger.

I wanted to panic, wanted to grab Bella and I wanted to make a run for it.  But most of all, I really just wanted to gag Alice Brandon and stuff her in a closet somewhere.

 “You were out last night?  Did you see anything? Anyone lurking?”

I shook my head. “No… weird.”

Play it cool play it cool play it cool play it cool.

“Huh.”  He scratched his head while Bella and I made to leave again. 

“Well,” I grinned over at the tiny as shit trouble maker, “You’re welcome Alice, we really have to…”

“Hey Ed.”  Emmett stopped me.  Again.

What is it,ya lying douchenozzle?  “Yeah Em?” I raised my eyebrows a little.

“I know you guys are busy and all but we could really use your help, man.  I mean, being that you all were neighborhood watch back in New York and all.”

And something about the way he said it.  I don’t know.  Did he know it was me last night?  There’s no way he knew that was me last night.  He hadn’t gotten a look at me in his house, there weren’t any security cameras and it was too dark out to get a good look outside.  Not to mention I was too far away from him at any given time since, you know, even though the dude is a pretty good distance runner, I had him on speed pretty much the whole goddamn time.

“Sure thing, Em, anything you need,” I said with as much of a smirk as I could muster, starting to leave again with Bella’s hand still in mine.  She wasn’t leaving my side and I was glad for it.

“Thanks dude!” he bellowed.  Then he clapped me on the shoulder.

My wounded shoulder.

Hard.

Right in between the deltoid and what I’m now referring to as “the Emmett McCarty blue plate special”.

Holy… Shit. Kicking. Nut Fucker. Cocksucking sonofa…

My hand tightened around Bella’s and she winced.  I thought I was gonna puke from the pain but instead, I smiled at the ass fuck.  “Absolutely.” 

“Let’s go, honey. See ya later, Emmett,” Bella insisted, then pulled me along with my good hand.  W

hen we were safely in the Hummer,  I closed my eyes and tried to breathe through the pain.  “Motherfucking...”

“Are you okay?”

“He has to know it was me.  I don’t know why he’s playing games with us, but he knows it was me, I bet he even did that shit on purpose and he’s laughing it up right now somewhere… sonofa…bitch.”

“Edward…”

I waved a hand, knocking it against the steering wheel.  “And he still acts like he’s all…” then I started my impression of him as I started the car.  “Hi I’m Emmett, your nice neighbor who tells you about grass mites and makes you laugh at shit and gets you all comfy and cozy thinking we’re friends and shit, with…”

“Would you stop it.”

“What?”

“He’s not your friend, Edward.  Look around.”  She eyed the people milling about through the streets of our fake neighborhood.  “None of them are your friends.”

I turned to her.  “Are you trying to convince me?  Or you about this line of thinking?”  Because I wasn’t so sure that wasn’t a hundred percent true. Despite my anger toward McCarty, I still got the good dude vibe off of him.  Which pissed me off even more.

Just then, Bella leaned over and kissed me. 

I thought maybe it was to get me to shut up… maybe to change the subject from something that made her uncomfortable.  She was good at that.  Changing the subject. 

But after a few moments, I didn’t care why she’d done it anymore.  She felt good and warm and her lips moved perfectly against mine.    Her hands found each other behind my neck, tugging at my hair just enough to get my attention and her breathing was erratic, like she wanted more.  It was making me crazy.

She made me crazy.

The downside to the whole thing was that my dick was up and yet, I was pretty sure we weren’t gonna be having sex in the Hummer, in the middle of the day, surrounded by neighbors.

“Sorry,” she finally said to me after pulling away and sitting herself back into her seat, pulling at the seat belt.  “They were watching… I didn’t want them getting suspicious.”

I looked around inconspicuously like.  “Oh really.”

“Uh huh.” She kept her eyes facing forward. 

“I don’t see anyone watching us.” 

“Really?”  She looked out and about a little bit.

“Really.”

She hesitated, then went with, “My bad.”

And sometimes I honestly couldn’t tell if the woman was just a horn dog like myself.  A kid if you will, trapped inside a grown woman’s body, or visa versa.  But what I did know was she was shutting down on me and I was pretty sure it had to do more with worrying about her father then with her feelings for me.

Whatever they might be.

“You okay?”

She nodded. “Let’s just go.”

I thought about pushing her.  Getting her to break down or break open, one of those, but it wasn’t nearly the right circumstances for sharing feelings about missing fathers, so we were off.  To where, I didn’t know, but I figured I’d know soon enough, Bella surely had a plan.  I mean, it was her father after all.

She did, too.  Have a plan that is.  She took me to specific places within Texas that she must have had previous knowledge of and contacts to boot.  She asked around, trying to find out if anyone knew anything but either they didn’t know, or they weren’t telling.

Maybe because Marcus had put the word out not to blab.  Maybe because she was with me, someone they didn’t know and didn’t wanna know. 

Didn’t matter because basically, regardless of the reasons… we got nowhere with any of them.  Bella never wavered the entire day though.  Never cried, never looked weak, never begged anyone for anything more than what they were willing to give or not give. 

It just wasn’t her style.

But by the time we got back to the area of our fake home, I could just tell by some of the movements she made or the things she would say, she was a wreck.  To make things even more fun, the neighborhood search was in full swing with two people patrolling the street together in shifts, it appeared.

“It’s only a matter of time,” I mused but Bella shook her head. 

“It’s clean, Edward.”

I breathed easier, not gonna lie, and I took note of who was present and accounted for along the street of houses.

Pretty much everyone was pitching in. 

Whitlock, however, was nowhere to be seen.

Not home, not at work, according to Alice Brandon, and in fact, she had no idea where he might have been.

In fact, it occurred to me that I hadn’t seen him since a few nights before when we’d gotten back from visiting his boys home.

I couldn’t help but half way worry about the guy because if Marcus knew about the run in McCarty and I had at his place, maybe he was moving into desperate mode… maybe he was ready to get Whitlock onboard forcibly.

And I didn’t like thinking about that happening.

What would happen to those kids then?

Shit was falling apart faster than I could hatch a plan.  It was not a good feeling, but I shouldn’t have been surprised by any of it.  Marcus always seemed a step ahead of the rest.  Whoever the “rest” might be at any given time. 

I was becoming more and more determined, once again, to leave… run, whatever it took.  With Bella, preferably.  I just knew I could find a way to get her on board but that it wasn’t the time.  She had already pretty much run into the house to try and call Charlie again when I was stopped by yet one more busy body fucking neighbor.

“Hey, Edward.  Can I clip your hedges for ya?  They’re lookin’ kinda shabby and I need the money for some...”

“Not now, Seth.”  I had zero patience for this kid.  Let me tell ya.

And to any other normal, knows how to take a fucking hint kid?  That probably would have been enough to get him off my back.  But Seth… No…..  “Is Bella okay?  She looked kinda upset…”

I tried to blow him off again, walking toward the front door.  Keep the peace, Edward.  “She’s fine.”

 “Oh, good…” he said.  I thought for sure he’d leave after that but then he pushed onward, following me right up to the damn door.  “Well how about those hedges?”

And then I lost it.  All sense of a temper I might have been trying to hide, lost.  “Seth.  I don’t have time for your bullshit right now.  Go home to your fucking parents.”

He jerked to a stop.  “Sure Edward,” he said with a little less gumption and a little more trepidation. I immediately felt bad for getting so harsh with the kid, but by the time I’d gone to turn and apologize to him, he was already half way down the street.

I pulled myself into the house after internally kicking myself and found Bella sitting on the bottom stair.

She was rubbing at her temples.

I sat down next to her.  “Is there any reason whatsoever why he wouldn’t be answering that phone?”

Her head moved to respond in the negative.  “He said no matter what…”

I didn’t force her to finish the thought.  I could figure it out. 

“I was supposed to see him this year but Marcus needed me on some… stupid emergency bank account hacking thing… and… then he pulled me into this job…  and… time always seems to get away from me.”

She wasn’t looking at anything in particular and yet, she seemed to be looking at everything.

Through glazed eyes and a blank stare.

“It’s gonna be okay.”

“Don’t lie.”

“I’m not…”

Her “Charlie” cell phone rang and at first she seemed relieved that he was finally calling her, but then, when she pulled the phone out, she just stared at the screen before answering it as she stood up.

I followed suit. “What?  What’s wrong, it’s him right?”

“No, it’s not him.”

“Marcus?”

“No.”

“Who is it?”

She finally answered.  “Hello?”  Then swallowed a little.  “This is Bella Swan, I’m his daughter.”

And as I watched her face, even I could see the pain growing. 

“What do you mean?  He was just…” she waited, letting them talk as she tried to fight tears and her brow flittered and all I could do was stand there and wait for the damn call to end.

“Of course… no, I can’t but… okay.”  She grabbed a pen and found a scrap piece of paper off of the hallway table and wrote something down.  “No… I will, okay, thank you.”

She stood very quietly for a minute or so after she ended the call, slipped the phone back into her jacket pocket, pulled it back out, looked at it with something reflecting hatred, then threw it into the trash can.

“Bella?”

Her eyes fell to the floor where my feet were.  I didn’t know what to do.  I didn’t wanna push her over the edge or anything, so I waited.

And when she was ready, she told me, “Charlie’s dead.”

Shit.

“Was it…”

“I don’t know if Marcus had anything to do with it,” she answered, knowing where I was going with the question.  “The hospital had my phone number listed to contact in case of emergency.  They said a neighbor found him, he was… something about a stroke…”

She choked on her words and I was still frozen in place.  The right thing to do under normal circumstances would have been to hold her, let her cry it out, make her see I was there for her, but Bella wasn’t normal by all means and I didn’t even know where “there” was.

“At least I know now, right?” she asked before starting up to her room.

“Do you need anything?” I asked, grasping for a reason to keep her close to me and I felt like a dick.  Even in her worst moment, I was so selfish.

“I need to be alone,” she told me, the threat of tears gone, replaced with anger.

“Are you sure, ‘cause you look like you could use a drink.”  She did, ya know.  Maybe even ten.  But then any sign of hurt or anguish seemed to disappear from her voice.

“What I could use is a few minutes to process, Edward. I’ll be fine.”

“He was your father.”

“You’re right.  He was,” she told me with what seemed to reflect my own resentment toward a certain someone we both knew and hated.  But then maybe I was just hoping that’s what it was.  Maybe I was letting emotions rule my head again.

Still…

She kept walking and I let her, unsure of whether I should chase after her, go after Marcus, or just high tail my ass out of there and forget about this whole goddamn thing.  Except I knew, whether I wanted to admit it or not at the time, I wasn’t going anywhere.  Not without Bella.

I made for my room to try and pack some shit up.  It wasn’t much and I was interrupted anyway. 

By crashes of glass.

Lots and lots of glass crashing.

“Bella?” I tried the door to her room but… locked.

“Bella.”  I tried knocking but got zero response from her.

“Bella Swan, open the goddamn door or I’m comin’ in anyway.”

Nothin’.

I stood back a little telling myself to ignore the pain I was about to endure and then lifted a leg and kicked the shit out of the frame of the door.

It fell open and I looked around for Bella but she wasn’t in there.  At least, not in the bedroom part of the bedroom. 

Fucking bathroom door.

I stepped over the glass that had shattered all over the floor and paid to attention to the shit strewn every which way around me.  Then I played the same trick on the next door that was standing between Bella and me.

The shower water was running and I found that such an odd sound at the time, muffled only by sobs that sounded painful and uncontrolled.

The steam in the room was thick, but I still saw her, clothed and in a heap on the floor of the shower as the streams of hot water pelted her.  She was drowning in her own pain.

She was heaving like she was going to be sick and seemed like she was trying to do something with her hands, but they couldn’t settle and I only hesitated that time in doing what I should have done downstairs.

I went to her.  Reached for her.

“Bella.”

She batted my hands away.  “Leave me alone, Edward!”

“No.”

“Get out!”  She reached for a bottle of shampoo and winged it at me as she screamed hysterically.  It hit me square in the chest but I wasn’t leaving.

“No.”

She threw a bottle of liquid soap but that one missed me.  “I’m not leaving Bella.”

I reached for her again and she tried, then failed, at batting me away again.  I grabbed her hands and held them tight until she just couldn’t fight me anymore. Then I pulled her up and into me, wrapped my arms around her, ignoring the ultimate pain of my bad shoulder… and waited.

Her cries were agonizing and I could barely stand the sound of them as I kissed the top of her head to try and help sooth her soul as feebly as I could.

I stroked her hair and just kept placing my lips softly against her hair until she seemed to calm down a little, then I reached down, picked her up and carried her out of the bathroom.

When I set her down, she stood there motionless, almost zombie like, and I took her wet clothes gently off of her, trying not to freak her out or anything, then I wrapped a blanket around her shoulders.  And then she looked up at me with wet eyes… more from just the shower and I brushed what tears I could away with my thumbs.

I can’t say I knew what to say.  I was never really one for words of encouragement.  Plus I’d just told her everything would be okay downstairs, which made me a big fat fucking liar anyway, so I just kissed her forehead and when I went to leave her be… let her get her head back on straight… a smaller hand stopped me.

“Don’t go.”

I breathed in.  I can’t lie.  I loved hearing her say that.  Those words.  They meant more than what she’d intended, I’m sure.    “Don’t go,” she repeated when I hadn’t responded.   Her hand moving to… a different place.

“Bella, you’re not in the right frame of mind for this.”

 “I want you to stay here with me… in my bed… I want you…”

I couldn’t tell if she was just not finishing a sentence or if she was actually saying she wanted me, but then she dropped the blanket and I let her undress me.

She pulled my shirt off first and I kicked my shoes aside quickly.  Her lips touched me in ways I couldn’t possibly describe to you now.  It was like she wanted to say something but couldn’t, so she let her actions speak for her.

And they did.

She lowered herself as she worked my jeans next.  Her hands moved with purpose and yet she took the time to appreciate certain areas that caught her attention. And when she was done, her hands glided themselves up my legs, along my thighs, past my stomach, to my chest… then she reached up to kiss me on the lips that time. 

It was chaste.  And it was the sexiest fucking thing I’d ever experienced in my entire life.

I cupped her face and kissed her back.  Not quite so chastely.  And then we moved to the bed.

Bella Swan moved deliberately that night.

Not so much like she was in a hurry but more like she was on a mission.  A slow, painfully pleasurable mission that included me, or some particular part of me, in every single movement she made.

She sat me down on the edge of the California King, but stopped me from laying all the way back.  She wanted me upright and I wasn’t about to argue with the woman over positions, so I sat there as she moved herself onto my lap.    Then she lifted herself up, being sure to press her taught nipples against me in a very intentional way, letting them graze along my torso, causing goose bumps to form in just about every area of my body.  I fucking loved it.  And I hated it.  And then she lowered herself onto my dick, taking every inch of me at a deliberate, intentionally mind fucking speed.

Her eyes closed and her head tilted back.   And quite honestly, I could have watched her like that all night. 

Then I decided to participate, as opposed to sitting there like a fucking idiot who didn’t know how to handle a woman like Bella.

I mean, I didn’t.

I had no idea where this was, this… thing between us. At that moment, quite frankly, I was lost in her.  But I could at least give a little of what I getting back. 

Before I got too carried away and let whatever moment it was slip away from me.

From us.

Before I couldn’t do it in such a manner that told her she was the loveliest creature on the planet earth and that I’d die trying to keep her safe from any more of Marcus’ bullshit.

I dipped my head, kissing, tasting, sucking, nibbling and I took a handful of her perfect breasts as I did it.   Pinching them, rolling them, kneading them… grasping them. 

Loving her.

She murmured things into the room that I couldn’t make out while my mouth moved to her neck as she rolled her hips. With my good hand, I palmed her ass, pulling her harder against me when my dick buried itself inside of her.

“Jesus Christ, you feel good,” I whispered against her cheek.  Then she grabbed at my hair and told me to shut up before she put her lips on mine, letting her tongue tell me the things my heart wanted to hear but didn’t dare let me ask her to say them.

She let it happen though.  All of it, and I wished to God I could just once know what she was thinking.  Without the walls or the alcohol or the threat of impending doom upon us. 

“Bella,” I whispered, but yet again, she shut me up.  This time by deliberately placing one of her nipples next to my mouth as it opened to say something else, knowing I’d take the bait and I did.  I let it slide in between my teeth and I bit down with frustration then licked along the mark in silent apology.

Bella didn’t mind though.  She urged me on for more and, once she took some time to enjoy the connection that was happening, she was moving a little more urgently and I geared up for holding out until she could get herself off.

She rolled and pushed and clawed at my shoulders as she looked me straight in the eyes while her orgasm began to take her over.  And me?  I held tightly onto her waist as she moved with desperation against me and then I fucking watched the beauty of Bella cumming.

I bound myself to that feeling of being inside of her while she felt me growing to the peak of my own climax and when I came, she let out a slow and mindful, “Yessssssss,” as I rested my head against her breasts.

We stayed like that until we could breathe again, then moved under the sheets of the bed and Bella, without a word, curled into me and just lay there, staring at something across the room, her arms wrapped around my midsection.

She didn’t ask me to leave or try to make what had just transpired between us  any less meaningful than it was. I was grateful she was at least making an attempt to keep a hold of something I knew was real.  At least she was for the time being, and that was enough for me. 

I can give her this, I thought and that’s when it also hit me.  I’d give her anything she wanted within my power. 

I would.

I’d give her me, my heart, my soul, my life… whatever it took to get her past this feeling she was having of loss.  For however long she needed it.

And then I was getting us both the fuck up outta there.